Thanksgiving is here and for many reasons this is one of my favorite holidays. Aside from gathering with family we rarely get to see and indulging in delicious meals and treats, I am encouraged (more so than other days of the year) to really look at my life and the lives of my family members and give thanks for the many blessings that have been so graciously bestowed on us. In lieu of sharing these blessings on Facebook, I am going to post my list right here on my blog. I pray your holiday is full of delicious food, happy family gatherings, and many blessings now and to come.
1.) I am thankful for my salvation and the grace that the Lord of all creation wraps me in everyday of my life. (Just a little reminder what the small and beautiful little word means - Grace - the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God)
2.) I am thankful for music and the way He uses it to speak to me. I am also thankful that we were given voices to sing that we might share our thoughts, dreams, and stories through music.
3.) I am thankful for the country we live in. I am sometimes annoyed and frustrated with the political antics of our government and often disagree with the decisions that are made for "the better good." But, we live in a country unlike any other where we can freely live, worship, work, dream, and love.
4.) I am thankful for my husband, Chad, and the joy he brings to my life every single day. He is my best friend and loves the very best of me AND the very worst. He is one of the best men I know and I am truly grateful that I am able to share my life with him. Plus, he's pretty hot, if I say so myself!
5.) I am thankful for my parents and Chad's parents and the love they shower on Chad and me everyday. Our siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are all continuous blessings for us and they help make our lives more joyful with their support, love, and friendship.
6.) I am thankful for our home and the safe shelter it provides Chad and me through all the seasons of the year. Many people in our world do not have the blessing of a place to call home and I feel very grateful that we have a warm, safe place to lay our heads and make memories.
7.) I am thankful for our dependable vehicles that get us around town safely and swiftly, if necessary.
8.) I am thankful for my dishwasher, washing machine, and clothes dryer. I wouldn't have a clue how to use a washboard with a bar of lye soap!
9.) I am thankful for our cats, Baxter and Bella, and our dog, Thatcher. They bring us snuggles, laughs, smiles, and joy everyday.
10.) I am thankful for God's beautiful creation and for my sight and hearing so I might enjoy it every season of the year. From the songs of little birds to the waves of the ocean, the sounds of the world are amazing! The colors of the sunsets to the autumn leaves - the rainbows of color are beautiful.
11.) I am thankful for food and all the varieties of food. I am thankful that I, nor my family, has ever had to endure hunger.
12.) I am thankful for the generations in my family that have gone before me and the path they laid for the success and happiness of me and my family today.
13.) I am thankful that we were given creative spirits and that we have eyes to enjoy the creations and artistic abilities of others.
14.) I am thankful for our veterans and the security they provide for our country. I am thankful for the families that sacrifice time with their family member so they can fight for our freedoms.
15.) I am thankful for my health and the health of my family.
16.) I am thankful for clean, running water, and that I have never experienced being without water.
17.) I am thankful for our doctors, nurses, and health professionals that provide the best medical care in the world. I am thankful that we have procedures, options, and choices in this country to maintain or help our health.
18.) I am thankful for books and the opportunity we have to learn and study whatever field we so choose. I am thankful that we are capable of gaining knowledge and that this journey is never-ending.
19.) I am thankful for the gift of friendship and the many friends that Chad and I have been blessed with. My friendships are so special and important to me. I don't know what I would do without my friends.
20.) I am thankful that each new day is an opportunity to right the wrongs in my life and to live better than I did the day before. Each day is a new start, with endless possibilities. This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Happy Thanksgiving, Friends! Love to you and yours!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
The Results
On Saturday, November 5th, Chad and I got up early - real early. We got ready for the day and Chad left our house around 6:45 to drop off "his donation" to the procedure we had scheduled for 8AM. He returned at about 7:15. I hopped in the car with him and we headed to Starbuck's to get some hot drinks and breakfast before our appointment. We purchased the new Coldplay album at the counter for ten bucks, with our breakfast, and talked about Coldplay and their new songs as we ate. We talked about the death of Bob Barry, Sr. and what we remembered about his life. We laughed about the funny things that happened to us that week and I was suddenly reminded of how fun our relationship is. It's so easy to talk to Chad - to laugh and cry. Our day was off to a great start and only good things were in store. I was sure of it. If I were to plan it myself, this would be a great day to conceive our baby!
We arrived at the clinic a bit before 8AM and there were several couples waiting along with us. The TV was on and the news that morning was about the earthquake that happened during the early morning hours. It woke me out of a sound sleep, so I started looking up information and safety tips about earthquakes on my iPhone when the nurse called my name. Chad and I rose from our chairs and entered the hallway. The nurse led us to the exam room and after she left us alone, I assumed my half-naked position on the exam table - of course with a white sheet wrapped around my waist. Chad and I continued to laugh and talk about things I can't quite remember now. I just know we were laughing and he did a good job of keeping my mind off the procedure that was about to happen. It's always a bit nerve-racking no matter how many times we have it done.
The doctor entered, friendly as ever (and 7 months pregnant), and the nurse followed. They asked that I lie back on the table and put my heels in the stirrups. The nurse pressed an ultrasound wand on my lower belly and I had to concentrate not to urinate on the doctor. (For the procedure, they ask that I have a full bladder so the uterus is pushed up farther and is more visible on the ultrasound. They use the ultrasound to position the catheter that empties the sperm into my uterus). The doctor informed us that there would be 14 million sperm injected into my uterus that day and that everything on my end looked good. We watched on the ultrasound monitor as the 14 million were emptied into my uterus. Then, I lied there for fifteen minutes praying that I would be pregnant.
After we left the clinic that day, Chad dropped me off at work. I would work from 9 to 1 that day and it wasn't until about 11:30 that I started having horrible cramps. I had never experienced cramps after an IUI, so I was hopeful that maybe this time was different - this time I would be pregnant.
When it came time to take a pregnancy test, I was excited and apprehensive. I was scared what I would feel if it were negative, but so eager to find out if I was pregnant and wanting to feel that particular joy so much!
The doctor told me to take a test on Sunday, the 20th. I couldn't wait and took a test on Friday the 18th. It was negative.
I was home alone that day and was scheduled to go into work at 2PM. So, I took my time in the shower and cried and cried, prayed and prayed - out loud. This is all I know to do when I am overcome with such disappointment and sadness. However, this time, the tears didn't last too long and I felt better once I sensed that I was being heard. I know it sounds weird, but I truly felt as if He was listening to me and I felt comfort - a reassurance.
I went ahead and took another test on Sunday, the 20th, just to make real sure and it was negative. I was incorrect when I stated in my last post that that round of Clomid with IUI would be my last one. Actually, I am eligible for one final round of Clomid with IUI, so that's what we are going to do. My day one was yesterday, so I will start more Clomid on Saturday and it will all begin again. We have a consultation appointment with our doctor the first week of January should this upcoming IUI be a failure.
I am now really trying to search myself and am seeking His guidance for our next step should we need to venture into another type of treatment. I am not sure where the funding will come from as we are paying for my treatments out of pocket. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we endure another round of Clomid with IUI and try to figure out what He would have us do next should that be the outcome.
We arrived at the clinic a bit before 8AM and there were several couples waiting along with us. The TV was on and the news that morning was about the earthquake that happened during the early morning hours. It woke me out of a sound sleep, so I started looking up information and safety tips about earthquakes on my iPhone when the nurse called my name. Chad and I rose from our chairs and entered the hallway. The nurse led us to the exam room and after she left us alone, I assumed my half-naked position on the exam table - of course with a white sheet wrapped around my waist. Chad and I continued to laugh and talk about things I can't quite remember now. I just know we were laughing and he did a good job of keeping my mind off the procedure that was about to happen. It's always a bit nerve-racking no matter how many times we have it done.
The doctor entered, friendly as ever (and 7 months pregnant), and the nurse followed. They asked that I lie back on the table and put my heels in the stirrups. The nurse pressed an ultrasound wand on my lower belly and I had to concentrate not to urinate on the doctor. (For the procedure, they ask that I have a full bladder so the uterus is pushed up farther and is more visible on the ultrasound. They use the ultrasound to position the catheter that empties the sperm into my uterus). The doctor informed us that there would be 14 million sperm injected into my uterus that day and that everything on my end looked good. We watched on the ultrasound monitor as the 14 million were emptied into my uterus. Then, I lied there for fifteen minutes praying that I would be pregnant.
After we left the clinic that day, Chad dropped me off at work. I would work from 9 to 1 that day and it wasn't until about 11:30 that I started having horrible cramps. I had never experienced cramps after an IUI, so I was hopeful that maybe this time was different - this time I would be pregnant.
When it came time to take a pregnancy test, I was excited and apprehensive. I was scared what I would feel if it were negative, but so eager to find out if I was pregnant and wanting to feel that particular joy so much!
The doctor told me to take a test on Sunday, the 20th. I couldn't wait and took a test on Friday the 18th. It was negative.
I was home alone that day and was scheduled to go into work at 2PM. So, I took my time in the shower and cried and cried, prayed and prayed - out loud. This is all I know to do when I am overcome with such disappointment and sadness. However, this time, the tears didn't last too long and I felt better once I sensed that I was being heard. I know it sounds weird, but I truly felt as if He was listening to me and I felt comfort - a reassurance.
I went ahead and took another test on Sunday, the 20th, just to make real sure and it was negative. I was incorrect when I stated in my last post that that round of Clomid with IUI would be my last one. Actually, I am eligible for one final round of Clomid with IUI, so that's what we are going to do. My day one was yesterday, so I will start more Clomid on Saturday and it will all begin again. We have a consultation appointment with our doctor the first week of January should this upcoming IUI be a failure.
I am now really trying to search myself and am seeking His guidance for our next step should we need to venture into another type of treatment. I am not sure where the funding will come from as we are paying for my treatments out of pocket. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we endure another round of Clomid with IUI and try to figure out what He would have us do next should that be the outcome.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
The Situation - and I'm not talking about Jersey Shore!
I felt like it may be time to give everyone an update on the current situation. So, we're back in the present, People. No more historical posts for awhile . . . And forgive me if at any point in this post I divulge too much information about my body and what is going on inside it. Please feel free to stop reading at any time. :)
August 20, I had an IUI (intrauterine insemination) and then had a negative pregnancy test during the last lingering days of August (which I discuss in the post "September"). Because I was fed up with negative pregnancy tests, and needed a break, I took all of September off from fertility treatments and thoughts of conceiving in order to enjoy my birthday, friends' birthdays, and the freedom from the annoying side effects of the medication I have to take in order to ovulate.
But, when there was no sign of my period at the end of September, I started taking home ovulation tests to see if/when I would ovulate. It was the weekend of October 8 when the little pink line on the pee stick was just as bold as the test line, which meant I would ovulate within the next 24/48 hours. So, this was good news - the fact that my body was ovulating on its own, but it wasn't too great that it decided to do it around day 33 of my cycle. I'm telling you my body is weird! Then, to top it off, trying to be romantic with a guy who is reporting to the hospital at 5 AM every morning and studying at home from 6PM to whenever he falls asleep is nearly impossible. Poor guy could barely keep his eyes open long enough to finish dinner and I'm not about to conceive our baby out of a forced situation. There's no fun in that! So, I made peace with the fact that taking advantage of this opportunity would be a major failure this go around. And, to be honest, I had my doubts that I would even ovulate, so I wasn't really too upset about missing out on our chances of trying until a blood test at the clinic on October 10 confirmed that I had indeed ovulated! So, now it was a waiting game for my cycle to begin.
It arrived on October 21st. On October 24th, I called the clinic to inform them of my day 1. They asked if I was ready to proceed with another round of treatment. I said, "Yep!" And, I was actually excited this time to get the ball rolling again. The little thing perched in my soul was beginning to flutter its wings and the hope inside me daily chants, "This could be the one that works! Maybe it will work this time!" And, I tell you what, that chant is addicting and very difficult to ignore.
So, I started the first dose of Clomid on Tuesday, October 25th, which was my day 5. I took 50 mg for five consecutive days - as is the normal procedure for me - and finished up on October 29th. I suffered through a few nights of not being able to sleep and then once I did, would be awakened by the sweat beads swelling on my forehead and all over my body. Night sweats are no fun, not to mention the hot flashes I would get at random times throughout those five days while at work! I am always happy to finish my last dose on the fifth day because it usually means I am finished with the night sweats and hot flashes! Amen!
I am in utter disbelief that November is already here, but bring it on! I'm loving the weather and the colors on the trees. This month has brought with it the promise of what might be and I am very hopeful and eager to see what this cycle of treatment will bring our way!
This morning, Chad and I woke up early and went to the clinic for my blood draw and vaginal ultrasound. The ultrasound revealed two follicles that will ovulate and a uterine lining that is thick and healthy. This is the first time this year that I have had two follicles ready to ovulate. Last year, I almost always had two or three at a time and the fact that I was responding differently to the medication this year was worrisome for me. So, even though the scientific statistics wont tell you the chances of conception are increased with two eggs being released, I like to think our chances are, indeed, increased. Two is always better than one, right?!
So, this evening at nine o'clock (the exact time the doctor instructed me to take my HcG shot - Timing is Everything, remember?!), if you hear a woman screaming at the top of her lungs, just know that it is I who is screaming because the thought of a needle going into my lower abdominal area is almost too much for me to bear! But, just a secret between you and me - I am training Chad for his next rotation, which is Pediatrics, when he will give shots to wee tots that will be screaming just as loud and then crying afterward just as much as I will be tonight. I mean, if he can handle me, he can surely handle those little sweeties next week! :) No, but really, I am terrified every time. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but sadly, it feels like a new fear every time.
The purpose of the HcG shot is to stimulate the follicles to release their eggs - the two eggs that are mature! So, the shot will make me ovulate at the perfect time so the IUI (intrauterine insemination) that will be performed on Saturday morning will take place at the optimal moment for conception. The chances are good, People, and I can't help but think this is it! But, I feel this way every time and I can't help myself! (Actually, I think the actual percentage of chance that I will get pregnant is 11%!)
But, this is the last round of treatment I can undergo with Clomid. I had six rounds last year and this is the fifth this year. With extended use, which is considered six rounds a year, my chances of ovarian cancer go up dramatically - and my chances are already higher than most women because I have PCOS (Polycystic ovarian syndrome). So, if this treatment doesn't work, we will be exploring new treatments, which all include needles - lots of needles with multiple shots at multiple times everyday! My worst nightmare!
So, keep us in your prayers and pray that Saturday will yield success - a healthy pregnancy! Thank you!
I also wanted to thank all of you for reading the blog. It really is encouraging to me that you care enough to take time out of your day to share in our journey. I sincerely appreciate your kind, thoughtful comments. Every time I get a comment on one of my posts, it truly makes my day. I hope my posts bless your days as much as your comments bless mine. This journey would be a lot more dark and treacherous without you! Thank you!
August 20, I had an IUI (intrauterine insemination) and then had a negative pregnancy test during the last lingering days of August (which I discuss in the post "September"). Because I was fed up with negative pregnancy tests, and needed a break, I took all of September off from fertility treatments and thoughts of conceiving in order to enjoy my birthday, friends' birthdays, and the freedom from the annoying side effects of the medication I have to take in order to ovulate.
But, when there was no sign of my period at the end of September, I started taking home ovulation tests to see if/when I would ovulate. It was the weekend of October 8 when the little pink line on the pee stick was just as bold as the test line, which meant I would ovulate within the next 24/48 hours. So, this was good news - the fact that my body was ovulating on its own, but it wasn't too great that it decided to do it around day 33 of my cycle. I'm telling you my body is weird! Then, to top it off, trying to be romantic with a guy who is reporting to the hospital at 5 AM every morning and studying at home from 6PM to whenever he falls asleep is nearly impossible. Poor guy could barely keep his eyes open long enough to finish dinner and I'm not about to conceive our baby out of a forced situation. There's no fun in that! So, I made peace with the fact that taking advantage of this opportunity would be a major failure this go around. And, to be honest, I had my doubts that I would even ovulate, so I wasn't really too upset about missing out on our chances of trying until a blood test at the clinic on October 10 confirmed that I had indeed ovulated! So, now it was a waiting game for my cycle to begin.
It arrived on October 21st. On October 24th, I called the clinic to inform them of my day 1. They asked if I was ready to proceed with another round of treatment. I said, "Yep!" And, I was actually excited this time to get the ball rolling again. The little thing perched in my soul was beginning to flutter its wings and the hope inside me daily chants, "This could be the one that works! Maybe it will work this time!" And, I tell you what, that chant is addicting and very difficult to ignore.
So, I started the first dose of Clomid on Tuesday, October 25th, which was my day 5. I took 50 mg for five consecutive days - as is the normal procedure for me - and finished up on October 29th. I suffered through a few nights of not being able to sleep and then once I did, would be awakened by the sweat beads swelling on my forehead and all over my body. Night sweats are no fun, not to mention the hot flashes I would get at random times throughout those five days while at work! I am always happy to finish my last dose on the fifth day because it usually means I am finished with the night sweats and hot flashes! Amen!
I am in utter disbelief that November is already here, but bring it on! I'm loving the weather and the colors on the trees. This month has brought with it the promise of what might be and I am very hopeful and eager to see what this cycle of treatment will bring our way!
This morning, Chad and I woke up early and went to the clinic for my blood draw and vaginal ultrasound. The ultrasound revealed two follicles that will ovulate and a uterine lining that is thick and healthy. This is the first time this year that I have had two follicles ready to ovulate. Last year, I almost always had two or three at a time and the fact that I was responding differently to the medication this year was worrisome for me. So, even though the scientific statistics wont tell you the chances of conception are increased with two eggs being released, I like to think our chances are, indeed, increased. Two is always better than one, right?!
So, this evening at nine o'clock (the exact time the doctor instructed me to take my HcG shot - Timing is Everything, remember?!), if you hear a woman screaming at the top of her lungs, just know that it is I who is screaming because the thought of a needle going into my lower abdominal area is almost too much for me to bear! But, just a secret between you and me - I am training Chad for his next rotation, which is Pediatrics, when he will give shots to wee tots that will be screaming just as loud and then crying afterward just as much as I will be tonight. I mean, if he can handle me, he can surely handle those little sweeties next week! :) No, but really, I am terrified every time. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but sadly, it feels like a new fear every time.
The purpose of the HcG shot is to stimulate the follicles to release their eggs - the two eggs that are mature! So, the shot will make me ovulate at the perfect time so the IUI (intrauterine insemination) that will be performed on Saturday morning will take place at the optimal moment for conception. The chances are good, People, and I can't help but think this is it! But, I feel this way every time and I can't help myself! (Actually, I think the actual percentage of chance that I will get pregnant is 11%!)
But, this is the last round of treatment I can undergo with Clomid. I had six rounds last year and this is the fifth this year. With extended use, which is considered six rounds a year, my chances of ovarian cancer go up dramatically - and my chances are already higher than most women because I have PCOS (Polycystic ovarian syndrome). So, if this treatment doesn't work, we will be exploring new treatments, which all include needles - lots of needles with multiple shots at multiple times everyday! My worst nightmare!
So, keep us in your prayers and pray that Saturday will yield success - a healthy pregnancy! Thank you!
I also wanted to thank all of you for reading the blog. It really is encouraging to me that you care enough to take time out of your day to share in our journey. I sincerely appreciate your kind, thoughtful comments. Every time I get a comment on one of my posts, it truly makes my day. I hope my posts bless your days as much as your comments bless mine. This journey would be a lot more dark and treacherous without you! Thank you!
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