Just to get started . . .

I have sat down to begin this blog many times. And, with each month that passed, I hoped that I would be pregnant and the entire purpose of the blog would change from hoping, praying, and often begging God for a baby to a celebration and, hopefully, inspirational, success story of a fertility-challenged couple to an expectant couple. But, as you will soon read, my hopes for the latter have not yet been fulfilled and my procrastination in beginning this blog has only proved to help stock pile information and ideas for upcoming entries - which has to be a good thing, right? So, get ready for learning more details about my life than you ever wanted to know.

I will write more about my husband and our "love story" in upcoming entries, but to start you off with a bit of background information, I will serve you our life in a nutshell. Here it goes: Chad and I have been married for five years. We live in a small, red brick house that is older than my daddy. We have two cats: Baxter and Bella (which you will hear a lot about, too!) and a very large Golden Retriever named Thatcher. He is a gentle giant. Chad and I enjoy live music, traveling, trips to the zoo, good food, watching movies, and reading. Our separate interests composes a much longer list, so I will spare you for now. I am currently working a new part time job and watching a sweet 14 month old boy on days I am off from my job. Chad is in his third year of medical school, which often dictates our day-to-day schedule and social lives. (You will also read a lot about being a wife of a medical school student since it is a huge part of our lives right now.) Medical school definitely has its ups and downs, but Chad has done very well and I am very proud of him. Both of us can hardly wait, however, for his graduation in 2013! Hooray!

Now to get to the nitty-gritty of this blog . . . Chad and I decided to start trying for a baby toward the end of 2009. We knew conceiving may prove to be a challenge because of a diagnosis I received eight years earlier, which I will share in an upcoming post. Because I had not taken birth control since we married, and we never experienced a "spontaneous" pregnancy, we decided to see a specialist in January 2010. So, that's where our journey to meeting our baby really began in my mind.

This journey has proved to be the most difficult thing I have experienced in my life. At times, I have felt more lonely than I have ever felt before, but it has also opened me up to relationships with people that have experienced some type of infertility or pregnancy loss. Their stories and encouragement have been a lifeline when so often I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have also read stories and blogs online that helped to inspire my blog.

Infertility has claimed many hearts on this planet - more than I ever imagined! And, I learned very early in this process that the person sitting in the cubicle next to you at work could very well be going through the same thing you are going through. (I happened to befriend this described person!) But, almost no one talks about their struggles and pains with infertility - for obvious reasons. So, I hope this blog serves to be an outlet, not only for my rantings and stories, but for those of you that have been where I am right now. I pray you find inspiration, hope, and a few giggles when reading this blog - whether you've struggled with infertility or not. All are welcome! The more people hear about infertility and learn about it, the more we, as a community, will know how to encourage, support, and listen to those struggling. I also pray with more awareness, the scientists and medical community will decide to devote some time and funding to finding a cure for some of the culprits that cause infertility. No one should have to struggle to conceive - it is, after all, one of the most primal functions of being a creature on this planet.

So, I will close this post with an explanation on the title of my blog. Believe me, I brainstormed and had an entire sheet of paper full of potential titles. But, with a little help from my friend, some editing from Chad, both paired with one of the lessons this journey has taught me, I decided on 'Enduring Hope: Our Journey to Meeting Our Baby.' 'Enduring Hope' means two different things to me at different times in this process of trying to conceive. 1.) Hope is enduring and keeps Chad and me going, pushing toward our dream of being parents. 2.) On the flip side, sometimes it feels as though we are literally suffering under and enduring the very same hope. Every time our dreams are shaken with a negative pregnancy test, it is our hope that seems to bring the most pain. But, hope has remained and sustained us on this journey and will, too, accompany us when one day we greet our baby. Our hopes, then, will be for our little one's joy, health, and spirit in life.

Many people have spoken of hope, but perhaps, one of my favorite references is the poem by Emily Dickinson. I will leave you with her poem and pray that you, too, will find it perched in your heart, sustaining your dreams and helping you through each day - as it has done for me and Chad through our journey to meeting our baby.

HOPE

HOPE is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul

And sings the tune without the words,

And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.