To This Day

This month, our baby would have been about six months old. There isn't a day that has passed since I miscarried, that I have not thought about our baby and the life that might have been. Sometimes I cry because it stills hurts, but most of the time, I attempt to understand and find peace with what happened.
Even though I was only pregnant for a couple weeks and was only aware that I was pregnant for about four days, it was no less a miracle for Chad and me than if I had carried full term. The fact that we conceived - and without help or fertility treatments, no less - proved to us that having a baby of our own was a real possibility for us. Now, that was something to celebrate and to hope for!
A few months after the miscarriage, Chad and I were talking about our short pregnancy/miscarriage experience and what we had learned and taken away from it. He said that he thought it was His way of telling us that it is possible, but the time wasn't right - to hang on and keep trying. I have remembered that. And, even though this process has not been easy and often takes my emotions on a roller coaster, our experiences each day, fertility related or not, create who we are and give us a choice, everyday, on how we are going to think about those experiences and use them in our lives - for better or worse.
Everyday, I choose, and do my best, to use our experience for good and praise the One that gave us that blessing - even if it was only for a moment. I am more aware of the blessing that is life and that each day we are given is special and should be enjoyed and cherished. We are not promised tomorrow, yet we are promised love, peace, and hope through the One that loves us and is with us. That is something to live for and share with everyone.
To this day, our experience, even though it was painful, has brought more hope to my life than I ever had before and that hope will carry me forward to the day when we shall meet our baby. And, I have hope that one day a long time from now, we will meet the baby we lost and it will be a day of great joy!