The Results

On Saturday, November 5th, Chad and I got up early - real early. We got ready for the day and Chad left our house around 6:45 to drop off "his donation" to the procedure we had scheduled for 8AM. He returned at about 7:15. I hopped in the car with him and we headed to Starbuck's to get some hot drinks and breakfast before our appointment. We purchased the new Coldplay album at the counter for ten bucks, with our breakfast, and talked about Coldplay and their new songs as we ate. We talked about the death of Bob Barry, Sr. and what we remembered about his life. We laughed about the funny things that happened to us that week and I was suddenly reminded of how fun our relationship is. It's so easy to talk to Chad - to laugh and cry. Our day was off to a great start and only good things were in store. I was sure of it. If I were to plan it myself, this would be a great day to conceive our baby!
We arrived at the clinic a bit before 8AM and there were several couples waiting along with us. The TV was on and the news that morning was about the earthquake that happened during the early morning hours. It woke me out of a sound sleep, so I started looking up information and safety tips about earthquakes on my iPhone when the nurse called my name. Chad and I rose from our chairs and entered the hallway. The nurse led us to the exam room and after she left us alone, I assumed my half-naked position on the exam table - of course with a white sheet wrapped around my waist. Chad and I continued to laugh and talk about things I can't quite remember now. I just know we were laughing and he did a good job of keeping my mind off the procedure that was about to happen. It's always a bit nerve-racking no matter how many times we have it done.
The doctor entered, friendly as ever (and 7 months pregnant), and the nurse followed. They asked that I lie back on the table and put my heels in the stirrups. The nurse pressed an ultrasound wand on my lower belly and I had to concentrate not to urinate on the doctor. (For the procedure, they ask that I have a full bladder so the uterus is pushed up farther and is more visible on the ultrasound. They use the ultrasound to position the catheter that empties the sperm into my uterus). The doctor informed us that there would be 14 million sperm injected into my uterus that day and that everything on my end looked good. We watched on the ultrasound monitor as the 14 million were emptied into my uterus. Then, I lied there for fifteen minutes praying that I would be pregnant.
After we left the clinic that day, Chad dropped me off at work. I would work from 9 to 1 that day and it wasn't until about 11:30 that I started having horrible cramps. I had never experienced cramps after an IUI, so I was hopeful that maybe this time was different - this time I would be pregnant.
When it came time to take a pregnancy test, I was excited and apprehensive. I was scared what I would feel if it were negative, but so eager to find out if I was pregnant and wanting to feel that particular joy so much!
The doctor told me to take a test on Sunday, the 20th. I couldn't wait and took a test on Friday the 18th. It was negative.
I was home alone that day and was scheduled to go into work at 2PM. So, I took my time in the shower and cried and cried, prayed and prayed - out loud. This is all I know to do when I am overcome with such disappointment and sadness. However, this time, the tears didn't last too long and I felt better once I sensed that I was being heard. I know it sounds weird, but I truly felt as if He was listening to me and I felt comfort - a reassurance.
I went ahead and took another test on Sunday, the 20th, just to make real sure and it was negative. I was incorrect when I stated in my last post that that round of Clomid with IUI would be my last one. Actually, I am eligible for one final round of Clomid with IUI, so that's what we are going to do. My day one was yesterday, so I will start more Clomid on Saturday and it will all begin again. We have a consultation appointment with our doctor the first week of January should this upcoming IUI be a failure.
I am now really trying to search myself and am seeking His guidance for our next step should we need to venture into another type of treatment. I am not sure where the funding will come from as we are paying for my treatments out of pocket. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we endure another round of Clomid with IUI and try to figure out what He would have us do next should that be the outcome.